The school holidays are approaching and many children are excited about Christmas and what Santa will be bringing them however the case is not always the same for children of separated parents. What should be a joyful and happy time of the year can easily result in a tense atmosphere and the feeling of being pulled from one parent to another.
Parents of separated children very well know that arrangements need to be made in advance of the school holidays however sometimes, disagreements can happen over who should have the children on Christmas Day. Most separated parents, who remain active in their child’s life, want to spend Christmas Day with their child, especially to see their reaction when they open their presents and to watch traditional Christmas movies on TV however this is not always possible.
If you are on amicable terms with your ex partner, see if there is a possibility for you to spend Christmas day or at least the morning together with your children. This will enable you to see your children open their presents and promotes much peace and harmony between you and your ex partner. Your child will feel happy and fulfilled at this special time and will be relieved of their unconscious need to spend time with each parent.
If this is not feasible, then splitting the day or agreeing that Christmas can take place twice on Christmas Day and Boxing Day/another day, although not ideal could be the next best solution.
If relations are not the best between you and your ex partner, it is so important to ensure that any arrangements or agreements are recorded in writing. We have dealt with many cases whereby verbal agreements have been made however disagreements have then taken place over the particular days and times where one party misheard or misunderstood the agreement made. It is vital that you ensure any agreements are recorded in writing, via email, via text or other means so you both have something to refer back to.
With separated parents who do not get on, there is usually rivalry as to who will have the children for Christmas Day. Please bear in mind that the focus is on the children’s needs and interests and not the issues you have between yourselves. The fairest way forward is to alternate Christmas Day and Boxing Day with each parent, so one parent has the children on Christmas Day, the other parent has them on Boxing Day – this pattern can then alternate each year. Some parents decide that the children should spend the whole first week with one parent and the children spend the whole second week including New Year with the other. There is no right or wrong way to arrange holiday contact provided that the children are at the forefront of your agreements and they are fair to each parent.
Sadly, not all separated parents are able to reach agreements on the particular days that each parent has the children. If this is the case, then they should contact us immediately. Time is of the essence. We will discuss the position with them and then agree on the best way to communicate with the other parent to encourage them to agree on arrangements quickly and in good time for the holidays commencing. If the other parent does not respond, or continues to disagree, the next option is to issue to Court proceedings which results in extra expense, time and stress. Effectively, the separated parents are saying they are unable to reach an agreement between themselves and so they are leaving the decision to a Judge who is effectively a stranger – not ideal. It should be noted that the Judge’s decision will not favour one party more than the other but instead will focus on what is best for the children.
Please note this principle applies regardless of the family’s religious beliefs and time of the year – if the family do not celebrate Christmas, and/or this is less important then the issue arises as to which parent the children should spend their time with and for how long. The same principle applies to other school holidays throughout the year as well.
Where a Court Order is in existence, this must be abided by both parties however flexibility can be afforded if both parties reach an agreement – please contact us should you need further advice in this respect.
If you or someone you know needs some guidance or advice in resolving holiday contact issues, please feel free to contact us via email on info@boselegal.co.uk or via phone on 07539 744144.